Twice Brothers
Brothers Jeremiah and Austin Tahtinen are not unlike many teenage boys. Jeremiah is an athlete. He likes anything competitive, but basketball is his favorite. He loves people, riding his bike and playing video games. Welding and metal work are a few of his other interests.
Austin is musical, mathematical and artistic. He likes to read and loves to talk. Like his older brother, he likes basketball and being outdoors. He plans to be an engineer one day.
The two boys are the youngest of Sean and Debbie Tahtinen’s five children, which also includes Corissa, 26, Tyler, 23 and Ryan, 21.
The Dream
Sean and Debbie talked about adoption long before they started their family. After their first child was born, Debbie suffered two miscarriages and again they talked about adoption. However, two more biological children were added to their family before their adoption journey began in earnest.
They talked about adoption off and on for a few years, but one day it started feeling like it was really going to happen, said Debbie. She remembers the whole family was sitting in the car and she just turned to her husband and said, “I don’t feel like we are going to adopt just one child.”
The following Sunday at a new church they were attending, they met a man named Merv Best, who worked at Christian Family Adoptions, an agency that focused on finding adoptive homes for waiting foster children.
They signed up for foster adopt classes at their local child welfare office.
A few months later, Merv gave a presentation about foster adoption at church. “We looked at each other and just knew God brought us there,” said Debbie. Though they had talked about adoption often, up until that time the couple was unsure how to go about it. They only knew they could not afford thousands of dollars for an international adoption.
Merv’s presentation gave them the direction they needed, and they signed up for foster adopt classes at their local Oregon Department of Human Services Child Welfare office.
Second Thoughts
Halfway through the ten-week training, Debbie began to have second thoughts. Overwhelmed by what they were learning, she told her husband, “It’s way too much.” He reassured her by saying that they would take it one step at a time.
But later, Sean also had reservations about adopting. “I was scared,” he said. He felt like he had a cute little family with the daughter and two sons he already had, he said. “I was scared,” he said, “Adoption is scary because you are introducing the unknown into your situation.”
I was worried about my perfect little family getting messed up, but we had so much we could offer [those children].
They decided to continue on with the classes–but not make a committment. “I wanted to unpack the whole process and learn why these kids were being adopted and why they went into care,” Sean said.
On the last night of class, the instructor brought out several 4-inch binders stuffed with photographs and information about Oregon foster children who were waiting for families. “I was overcome,” said Sean, “I was worried about my perfect little family getting messed up, but we had so much we could offer [those children].”
In March 2003, they filled out an application and started the homestudy process. A little over a year later, they brought Jeremiah home.
Coming Home
Jeremiah’s transition into their home went smoothly at first. “A month later, reality hit,” said Debbie. Their new son was stubborn and demanded to be the center of attention at all times. He was tense and unsettled. At one point, he went on a hunger strike and refused to eat, grunting loudly when presented with food–even foods he liked.
(Photo/Debbie Tahtinen)
The family began to settle into their new normal. And then, Jeremiah’s birthmother had a baby. Less than two months later, he was placed for adoption with the Tahtinens. Austin was a calm baby and quickly settled into his new home, said Debbie.
There were challenges when the boys were small, but it wasn’t until they reached school age that it became apparent that Jeremiah had significant learning challenges. He needed speech therapy for a time. Later, it was discovered that he was almost blind in one eye and he started vision therapy as well.
Schooling the Boys
Finding an appropriate learning environment for Jeremiah has been difficult. In addition to a learning disability, he is diagnosed with ODD and ADD. Debbie homeschooled the older children, but found it wasn’t a good fit for her two youngest. The Tahtinens worked hard to advocate for Jeremiah. He has attended two different public schools and a number of alternative schools. Currently, he is enrolled at the Oregon National Guard Youth Program. The residential school is changing his life for the better, said his parents.
And recently, Austin, a highly intelligent young man, has started having difficulties with his studies. He was recently diagnosed with ADD, without hyperactivity, and his parents are working on finding a school that is a good match for him.
A short break from the responsibility of parenting can provide a needed time of refreshment for weary parents.
As the boys navigate their teenage years, they are facing new challenges. Both are wrestling with feelings of being “discarded” by their biological family, their mother said. They have counselors and their parents working to help through it. However, life gets messy at the Tahtinen’s house sometimes, because such feelings intensify when either of the boys get tense or upset.
The Tahtinens said one of the best ways people can support their family, and others like them, is to simply spend time with their children. Adopted children and their parents need a supportive community, Sean said. A short break from the responsibility of parenting can provide a needed time of refreshment for weary parents, Debbie said.
Learn more about foster adoption in your state.
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